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"Simpsons" solves Gardner robbery

Monty Burns did it, of course! I can't believe no one else has reported it, but "The Simpsons" solved the 20-year-old Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum robbery. In Sunday's episode, called "American History X-cellent," Homer, Carl and Lenny were loudly partying down in billionaire misanthrope Burns' mansion - long story - and Burns called the cops. But when Springfield's finest arrived, one of them looked at a painting on the mansion wall and recognized it as Vermeer's "The Concert" (right), stolen from the Gardner in March 1990 along with a dozen other works, several of them masterpieces, none of which have ever been found.With very unusual perception for the dimwitted cop, Chief Wiggum asked Burns how he came to possess "this miracle of measure and harmony." Burns contemptuously replied, "Is it a crime to want nice things and then to steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them?" Burns was arrested and imprisoned, leading to a "Green Mile" takeoff and - in another nod to the Gardner heist - Homer, Carl and Lenny posed as cops to break him out. Watch the episode here. The key clip:

Morning reading: WGBH v. WBUR and more

If I was making up the front page today, I would have been tempted to put Alex Beam's hi-larious "radio wars" column on the front instead of the BU opera resume embarrassment. I was kind of disappointed he didn't find an opening to bring up Chris Lydon's former BUR salary, but nothing is perfect. ... Also in G is my theater column, "Theater company scripts say 'trim' and 'team up.'" I made a rookie mistake - I pitched a column idea that required eleventy-hundred phone  calls to do right. But it came out pretty good. ... Names and the Herald both do right by our local SYTYCD winner. ... Globe critic Sebastian Smee and blogger Greg Cook are still talking about localism, yokelism and other -isms. ... And Ryan has another hot tip, complete with a free listen.

Alicia Witt plays here on Black Friday

You may remember her as the tall redheaded drink of water who played Cybill Shepard's teen daughter on a '90s sitcom. She's got something of a movie and TV career, including a stint as a detective on "Law & Order: Criminal Intent." But these days the Worcester native seems just as interested in her work at the piano as a singer-songwriter; you can look up her 2009 EP on iTunes. And this Friday night she'll be playing the Thanksgiving Hangover Show at Oliver's at the Cask & Flagon on Brookline Ave. The band Soap Stars follows at 8:45. Here's a taste of Witt at work:

Menino ad says one thing, but empty chair says another

I saw the new ad for Boston Mayor Tom Menino's reelection campaign during the Sox game last night, and I have to ask, What the hell were they thinking? If you listen to the voiceover, it touts his impact all over the city, saying he's a guy who doesn't do his business behind closed doors at City Hall. But if you look at the pictures, what you see is his empty chair and an empty desk doing nothing all over town. Menino is nowhere in sight, and to judge by the empty desk, he doesn't have anything to do, anyway. (Even the voiceover starts by telling us what he doesn't do.) I don't live in the city and don't have a stake in who wins, but this is a terrible spot. "Mad Men's" Don Draper, a genius on the emotional impact of advertising, would have laughed it out of his Sterling Cooper office before it got to storyboard. Sure, it's nicely shot, with hip angles and vaguely U2-ish background music, but a picture is still worth a thousand words, and the pictures here tell us Menino is a no-show. Just a few tweaks to the copy and it would make an excellent ad for one of his opponents. Watch:

New World Music shows, other morning reading

UPDATE: Another World Music show just announced: Os Mutantes at the Somerville Theatre Oct. 4, 2009. Tickets, $28, on sale Tuesday at 10 a.m., at (617) 876-4275 or www.WorldMusic.org.

 Four new World Music shows were announced yesterday: A.A. Bondy Sept. 8 at Great Scott; Circulatory System Sept. 14 and A Hawk and A Hacksaw Sept. 18, both at the Cambridge YMCA Theatre; and Om, Oct. 12 at the ICA. Tix range from $12-$18 and go on sale next Tuesday at 10 a.m.,  at (617) 876-4275 or www.worldmusic.org. (The Bondy show is 18+.) In other news...

• Artists planning to turn out for Boston auditions for that Sarah Jessica Parker/Bravo TV reality show are being pranked.
• Bostix has 1/2-price tix for the Newport jazz fest Aug. 8-9, which we are now obligated to refer to as George Wein's Carefusion Jazz Festival 55. Under any name, $34.50 is better than $69.
• Read J.C. Lockwood on Picasso at Endicott College, on ArtThrob.

WGBH scores for PBS in Primetime Emmy noms

PBS got 26 nominations in yesterday's Primetime Emmys list. And WGBH wasted no time getting out a release letting us know that 16 of those nods came out of their shop. "Masterpiece" got 13 nominations, a record, including 11 for “Little Dorrit” (right) and two for “Wallander.” The “Little Dorrit”score was the most nominations ever for a single "Masterpiece" program. "American Experience" got nods for Outstanding Nonfiction Series and Outstanding Writing For Nonfiction Programming for “The Trials of J. Robert Oppenheimer.” And "Antiques Roadshow" was nominated for Outstanding Reality Program for the seventh time.

In other local news, Geoff says the BSO and its musicians have agreed on a contract extension into 2011, and links to a few examples of why no raise is a good deal at the moment.

CORRECTED: MFA karaoke reset for Thursday

GAH! I MESSED UP THE DATES IN THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF THIS POST. THE TWICE-POSTPONED EVENT IS NOW SET FOR THURSDAY - TOMORROW - JULY 9. CORRECTED VERSION FOLLOWS:

Due to the weather, last week the Museum of Fine Arts postponed its big outdoor karaoke party to July 8 - tonight. Well, the weatherpocalypse has intervened again. Now the MFA is moving the event to tomorrow night - Thursday, July 9 - at 6:30 p.m. in front of the MFA’s grand façade on Huntington Avenue. And now there will be a backup plan to hold the event indoors in case the weather once again intrudes.

At least it gives me another chance to run one of the deeply troubling hi-larious photos of museum staff striking vogue poses for the MFA's marketing staff camera. These two guys...it's just so wrong. Their Dunder Mifflin MFA nametags say Bill McAvoy (left) and David Blackman.

Everything else about the event should be the same as I wrote last week: "The Boston debut of 'Queen (A Portrait of Madonna)' by Candice Breitz, featuring 30 people singing to 'Vogue,' will be projected on the front of the Museum. The Museum is hoping for a big crowd to vogue and sing along. And the exhibit will be free and open till 9:45 that night. 'Queen' is part of a new exhibit, 'Contemporary Outlook: Seeing Songs,' opening at the MFA tomorrow and featuring a variety of international artists, 'explores the inspiration visual artists have derived from music' in a variety of mediums."

"America's Biggest Asshole": Reality TV reaches its apotheosis

And, of course, there's a casting call right here in Boston! Yes, Boston Casting is seeking contestants for a new Spike TV reality show called, with coy asterisks that I choose to ignore, "America's Biggest A**hole." The pitch asks if you irritate perfect strangers, are quick on your feet, like practical jokes. "EVEN THOUGH SOME PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE HYSTERICAL, DO YOU HAPPEN TO PISS A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF?" If so, you can attend the open call at Boston Casting, 129 Braintree St., on July 13, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., or at Red Sky, Faneuil Hall, on July 15, 6-9 p.m. They had to have one in a bar, of course, because some people just don't become raging assholes until they've had a few drinks. And if neither of those times are convenient for you, asshole, e-mail a photo, contact information and a few lines about why you should be on the show to [email protected]. It's 18+. Googling for show information, I came across a lot of posts about Rush Limbaugh and Mitt Romney, and also a funny post from this weekend describing how some poor young woman was trying to recruit assholes for the show in the parking lot before a baseball game in Chicago.

American Idols?

How can these guys not have made it to the judges' round?

"American Idol" auditions begin Sunday, June 14, in Boston. Well, Foxboro

Who can try out at Gillette Stadium? Men and women 16-28 years old as of June 12, 2009, who are eligible to work in the U.S. Some restrictions apply; visit americanidol.com for deets. Wristbands will be distributed from 7:00 AM on Friday, June 12 until 8:00 AM on Sunday, June 14. Auditioners will not be permitted to camp out. Once auditioners obtain their wristbands, they will be asked to return to Gillette Stadium by 5:00 AM on Sunday, June 14. The complete release is after the jump...